Race Day at Richmond

well, it didn't go like we hoped but Matt did lead a lot of laps. Kevin and Clint had ok days. Jr, who announced he's retiring at the end of the year, had a fairly rotten day. For some reason the scanner on NASCAR.com is still working so I listened to Buga and Clint and the Boss!! Clint's spotter , Brett, is  pretty good but I miss Bob.

quiet day

it's getting hot here so we did things early...walked the dogs and ran a few errands.

We took Pops to the new BBQ place Mom and I found and he seemed to enjoy it.

Mom and I watched "Sing" this animated movie about a singing contest with animals...I wasn't sure I would like it, a bit slow in the middle but it got better at the end!!

Right now Hiccup is sleeping by me but I know as soon as move he'll head to the front door so he can go out and bark!! and of course Harry will try to get out and hunt lizards in the dark!!

Life is moving on and I still miss you. as silly as it may sound I want to always miss you so I don't forget the impact you've had in my life.

turning point?

wow! I'll bet you were dancing on the clouds this afternoon!! So happy that the pole sitter for Sundays race is Matt!!!!!

funny not funny

I found something out today, no I won't write specifics but dearest angel you will know what and who I'm talking about and to be honest the specifics of the moment aren't important.

I've learned something important about myself, I will take all kinds of abuse from my friends when they are in need no matter how I've been treated  but I will never forget how I've been treated. This information will make me guarded and careful of my heart but it will also make me stronger and hopefully a better friend.

yes, I'm a glutton for punishment, this will never change but I fully realize this. and it's so true that God works in mysterious ways. I would never wish on anyone things that have happened to a friend or two or three. Yes, this has been an interesting week and as always in your honor I will be better as a friend because you never know how much that friendship can mean to another.

Thank you so much for the many lessons you taught me. Missing you so much more today... Please keep those angel eyes on me!

one year ago today

We got our first look at Hiccup!!

Yes, he was and is adorable but my heart wasn't really ready...

But you knew I was going to come home with him in May after the race.

How could I not fall in love with this little face??

too far out of the box...

so this week is employee appreciation week at work. we are all superheroes, I really need to take pictures of the decorations, they are amazing! ok, beside the point, so yesterday we had a breakfast, sort of, nothing hot, but it was better than nothing and we all were told our super powers, I have laser vision! funny, I do need new glasses, lol.

today we were to dress like our favorite hero, yeah, I thought too far out of the box and did my best to represent you! it was more props but it made me feel good after the crying fest I had yesterday! I even brought an Otis wanna be with a little reindeer!!

you really were my hero, thinking everyday what you did. teaching good kids, difficult kids, dealing with other teachers and administrators. taking care of Geoff, worrying about him, loving him. being a wonderful, caring, loving daughter, niece, friend and mama to Otis

thank you...

dark morning clouds

this mornings pre work walk, dang that's a mouthful, anyway, the sky this morning was cloudy and dark, the little bits of sunrise seemed red and angry. My day and mood seemed to fall that way, I cried a lot today. Yes, feeling sorry for myself. I really do try not to get upset on a daily basis, but I feel the loss of you in my life almost every day. Yes, you are that important to me. This grief stuff really truly sucks...

Sunday night

I'm sitting here watching ME-TV, yes Columbo is on...Harry is curled up in the little bed that Hiccup picked out and Hiccup is sleeping under my laptop table. I was thinking how blessed I am to have my furbabies. My thoughts drift to another cat, a black cat with a stuffed reindeer. I hope Otis is ok, I keep him and Geoff in my thoughts and prayers.

I hope you're ok up there in the heaven, when I looked up at the stars a minute ago, Hiccup insisted on going out, I tried to decide which star is yours. I'll have to think on it some more...

Race Weekend in Bristol

yes, she's at it again, Mother Nature is proving once again how much she hate NASCAR!

She took care of qualifying and cutie Kyle has the pole. She almost got the Xfinity race today but they finally got it done. But tomorrows Cup race is in danger and I might not get to see it except it highlights Monday after work. boo hiss....

Cotton Candy Clouds

I walked before work this morning and the clouds were pink wisps of cotton candy...it wasn't quite sunrise, it was that time of the morning when the sun is just starting to peek out of the horizon in the east. You know how I try to walk as much as possible, determined to get my steps and now that summer is upon us, lol, well it is down here!! I have to walk early to get all the steps in!!

sorry, rambling again about nothing...I don't have to tell you how much I miss you but I will. It still sucks and I still cry everyday and most of the time when I'm typing this as well. I wonder when the tears will stop and still don't want them too stop ever.

I may be hooked...

I can't believe it but I may actually be enjoying learning about Rebecca Bloomwood. I finished book 2 and have requested the next one from the library.

Yes, she does seem to have some redeeming qualities and the books aren't bad even if they aren't mysteries!! I still think I will continue to read the actual books instead of my norm, books on cd.
The woman who reads the series has an annoying voice!!

I owe you an apology

I promised to do some things a few weeks ago and still haven't. I'm sorry and I don't have a good excuse or even a bad one. Just that weird part of my personality that is afraid of sharing my part of you.

You and I have (had) a special friendship, we never met face to face, not that I have to tell you that. We met thanks to our love of Tony Stewart and NASCAR racing and along the way discovered despite what many think you can find friends, true friends over the internet and telephone. We laughed and cried together, shared our triumphs and sorrows. We vented and giggled. We made plans, we had adventures, celebrated birthdays and holidays, we shared recipes, photos and our lives. We were there for each other. So, I suppose I need to be honest with you, I'm not sure I want to share with those who knew you up close and personal. I'm a tiny bit jealous and worried they won't understand that my grief is just as real as theirs. Silly I know. Ok, rambling on,  I'm done for now and I will reach out and take a chance. (and not just because I keep hearing your voice urging me on)

Gnome with a new home

I've trying to find a gnome or two or three for my parents backyard with no luck until Friday. I found a little guy to live with the gardenia I got mom for Easter. hope you approve!!

must be spring

I'm up to my old tricks and painting flamingoes again! I even bought Pops 2 new ones for the backyard an he hasn't noticed them yet!!

I cleaned off the front yard birds with steel wool and washed them down yesterday.

today I placed them in the yard and painted them. I'm almost out of paint but this is a good start!

writing...again

I have a feeling you're working against this idea of mine, but I'm going to try anyway. I haven't been able to write anything on the story you loved so much. I have been playing around with an idea, a total re-write. Yes, it's a bit brutal but I have to be, maybe when I can feel that warm feeling inside I can put the story back to how you like it but I think this is how I feel right now.

Funny thing as I write I realize only you would understand this, this gibberish I've blurted out.

and yes, this still sucks big time, I'm not sure I can even write or rewrite the story but I need to try and help myself heal.

giving in

to the wine!!!

It's a Thursday night and I don't have to work tomorrow, it's Good Friday.

I had wine with dinner and I am letting go that is until my body falls asleep which if I now myself will be very soon. sorry for the run on sentence.

Maybe I can be part time wine girl!! in your honor.

one month from tomorrow

31 days away and there should be a wedding but there won't be at least not one that matters to me.
It's the day you should be walking down the aisle to meet your groom but for a reason only God knows this isn't happening. All the plans have been set aside, cancelled as your friends and family do their best to move on. I think some are doing this better than others. I'm not sure how I'm getting by, I write to you almost every day and talk to you all the time and yes I cry; mainly because I am feeling sorry for myself, I know what I lost and it hurts. I lost one of the best friends I'll ever have and I miss that friendship and love more than words can ever say.

I promise...

I won't ever forget you so I really don't need reminders two days in a row!! it happened again today around the same time as yesterday. I could hear the music coming from my co workers cubical and yes I cried again.

thank you for being there, I truly love having my angel watching over me.

It happens when I least expect it

I was busy at work, I think I was just getting frustrated at my work when I heard the music and knew I hadn't dialed your number but there it was the music asking me to wait for you. It turned out one of my co-workers was on hold for a member. I stared at my computer monitor with tears rolling down my face.

Have I told you this week how much this SUCKS??????

Will it ever get easier and do I really want it too?

I think the anger is back.

missing you still

“They say time heals all wounds, but that presumes the source of the grief is finite”
― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince

“When one person is missing the whole world seems empty.”
― Pat Schweibert, Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After Loss

“Grieving doesn't make you imperfect. It makes you human.”
― Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever

Friday traffic from you know where....

twice in one week I've had horrific traffic heading home...the other day there was a crash on the bridge and today there were brush fires not too far from where I live.

I took the strangest route home, I think I took almost every main road in Pinellas County!! I left work at around 4:30pm and didn't get home until 6:40pm.

Once I packed up the car and the boys I started to head to the parentals but had to turn around there was so much traffic, I didn't realize that the only highway through Pinellas was closed. But I did get to see Kevin and Clints interviews on FS1!! oh, there is a great ad with Matt too!!

missing you so much....

Smurfs

Yes, they are back! Every time I see the trailer I think of you! (not that I need an excuse, a day doesn't go by when you aren't in my thoughts at one time or another)

Otis and Harry

😸😹😺😻😼😽😾😿🙀

I found these cat faces here as I was trying to decide what to write about and of course they remind me of Otis...

I wonder how he is, I know that Harry misses me when I'm not around by the way he acts when I am home, he likes being near me.

At this exact moment he's in the bed he and Hiccup share, I sprayed it with catnip spray last weekend and it must still have a lingering scent. He will just eat dry catnip but the spray makes him nuts!

I wonder what things Otis is "stealing" , I remember when you found his stash!!

My heart aches for him, I hope all is well....

For Good

For good

I've heard it said

 That people come into our lives for a reason

 Bringing something we must learn

 And we are led

 To those who help us most to grow

 If we let them

 And we help them in return

 Well, I don't know if I believe that's true

 But I know I'm who I am today

 Because I knew you...

 Like a comet pulled from orbit

 As it passes a sun

 Like a stream that meets a boulder

 Halfway through the wood

 Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

 Because I knew you

 I have been changed for good

It well may be

 That we will never meet again

 In this lifetime

 So let me say before we part

 So much of me

 Is made of what I learned from you

 You'll be with me

 Like a handprint on my heart

 And now whatever way our stories end

 I know you have re-written mine

 By being my friend...

 Like a ship blown from its mooring

 By a wind off the sea

 Like a seed dropped by a skybird

 In a distant wood

 Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

 But because I knew you

Because I knew you

I have been changed for good



whenever I hear this song I think of you and how much you mean to me and most of all how much I miss you

not a day goes by

when you are not in my thoughts...when I'm at work it's usually when I'm walking at lunchtime,
one day last week I looked up at the clouds and saw some animals hiding in the white puffy cottonballs and thought I should call and tell you, then I just started to cry.

I can hear you now...

"I want one"

I saw these and knew, yes, mini donkeys!!! Almost as cute as Rose!!