reason 1

one year ago

yes, it's been one whole year since I was handed a leash and my little boy never looked back!!

end of a long weekend

the last race ended at 12:20 am this morning and dang it all if cowboy hat didn't win...and yes he slid on the in field!!

parentals and I went to see Guardians of the Galaxy volume 2, yes Chris Pratt and Kurt Russell looked amazing!! Even Sly had a cameo and dang even he looked good! the soundtrack is great.

my ride home was uneventful, finished a book, the 8th in a series, need to see how many more there are and pace myself!

thought about you often, things only you would understand...miss you so much...

big race day has begun

so, the Monaco Grand Prix is on with of course 2 Haas cars then the Indy 500 and surprise, Tony has a car in it! then the longest NASCAR race of the year the 600. Kevin has the pole!

Funny thing is I don't miss being in Charlotte for the race, it can be brutally hot and it is a long day. No, I'm not putting a happy face on it. I have enjoyed listening to Clint on the scanner, he and Buga seem to be ok together but I do miss Bob, Clints spotter Brett is funny though.

Goats again

saw this and yes I thought of you, apparently goats in Amsterdam climb brick walls!!

Yesterday

Not a stellar day for me...

At one point while I was sitting at my desk typing away I felt tears rolling down my face. I calmly got up and went to the ladies room and silently burst into tears. It was a combination of things; it's the end of the school year and it's race week in Charlotte. Yeah, a combination bound to bring tears and I have no one to talk to about this. You understand why, I know there will be days like this but this happened so out of the blue but at least I realized why.

next up for Rebecca

once again having a hard time with Miss Bloomwood but for a totally different reason. The next book in the series is Shopaholic ties the knot; to be honest my heart isn't in it. I did renew the book so I have it checked out for another month. I'm hoping that in a week or 2 I can crack the book open and start to read it. Yes, a challenge I intend to keep!!

Dash

I saw a photo, a facebook meme with the back of a headstone and basically it said it's not about the start date or end date but about the dash.

Wow! seriously, that is incredible when you think about it, the dash...the life between the dates.
Oh my, what a dash you left, the lives you touched every single day you were on this earth.
I am honored to have been your friend. I constantly remember things you did and said to me.

I know it wasn't perfect but it was you, you were always honest, funny, caring. Yes, you got angry but after a little venting all was mostly good!!

I miss our IM-ing "stickers", I miss you telling me to have sweet dreams when I'd let you know I was signing off for the night.

I love the dash that was your life.

sleep got the best of me again

yes dearest I am still here...

a long day on Friday and a long night on Saturday and not a word on the blog!!


I was contemplating all day Friday about what I was going to write once I got to the parentals but it didn't happen and yesterday, well, it was the All Star Race, ugh! hate that NASCAR keeps changing the format...anyway with all that frustration I just went to be.

This morning I woke up and  decide to go take some pictures of the new art on Lemon Street. On the way home I drove by Lake Morton and saw some interesting ideas for pictures and parked at the library. On my way to the lake I saw the beautiful roses that Lakeland does such a nice job growing and one bloom caught my attention and I knew you were with me.

Them

Every Thursday in May Turner Classic Movies is playing old time "horror" movies, the kind I can watch, you know Godzilla, Rodan and tonight it's "Them" with James Arness and Edmund Gwynn-my favorite Santa Claus!! Giant Ants because of the Atomic Bomb!! To be followed by "Godzilla, King of the Monsters", which I will fall asleep to!!

I loved how we both loved silly classic tv and the odd tv channels like Me-TV.

a loss for words

seriously, I don't have much to say...I did see a clip for the new Minion movie, actually it's Despicable Me 3 but well, we love those little yellow guys! It rained tonight, first real rain in months, rained for about 45 minutes!!! Tomorrow would be my fathers 88th birthday and the beginning of my 3 least favorite months, honestly hadn't given this period of time much thought the last couple of years but now that you are up there...well, now it's on my mind. but I'll be ok, go say hi to him, he'd like you and he'll have some good jokes to share.

made me think of you

I saw these today and yes, I thought of you...

another Monday Monday

not my normal Monday either. I took the day off to get some stuff done. Mom and I kind of continued our Mother's Day weekend stuff. We got to do lunch and thanks to Kevin Harvick we got a free bloomin' onion! We did a little shopping and I got my ears re-pierced again, 3rd time for my oldest holes...

traffic wasn't bad on the way home and I need to go food shopping but I had a rough weekend as far as sleep goes and so I'm in for the night.

thank you for keeping an eye on me, one day I'll tell you some things I've been holding in, plans I wanted to make but couldn't..things I did today reminded me of them...

yesterday

wow, as if the day wasn't hard enough it got worse and I needed to talk to you for purely selfish reasons...I can't be someone I'm not, I am not a vengeful rotten person, and as much as I could talk to you about what I'd like to do to some people you always knew that I would never hurt someone on purpose. That being said, why do some think it's ok to treat me like dirt, people who are suppose to care about me. yeah, I hear you, then they really don't care...so let them go...but I can't and you know that...the damn Pollyana in me hopes that there is good in everyone and no one is a lost cause...
damn it I miss you so much...

this...

May 13, 2017

As today begins dearest angel, I am sending out a wish and a prayer that all your family and friends have a joyous day remembering the wonderful life you lead and to try and not dwell on the life that didn't happen.


I'll let you know how my part goes later!!

love you little sister now and forever

one day at a time

I'm doing my best to just get through the next couple of days without crying my eyes out; trying to listen to your voice in my head saying "it will be ok Chica".

I had plans to do one thing but I decided to immerse myself in Mother's Day weekend and I think  Mom is pretty happy with that. I had a cake made for her that she really likes and she was so surprised when I handed her the cake box and she saw the pink confection.

Dinner tonight was one of her favorites, of course, snow crab and hash browns. After dinner entertainment is the truck race in Kansas and a flip over to a hockey game-playoff time.

I know you're watching over all of us and that makes me happy, I really like having a special angel up there in heaven even if I wish you were still here with us especially this weekend.

sending prayers out to all your family and friends...missing you so much

an idea, a little silly but I think it might help!!

Remember during my walk yesterday I told you about an idea, some thing a little silly but I truly think this may help me! I really liked one of the pictures I took at work during employee appreciation week and being a hero or villain!! this idea will also tie into one of the "resolutions" I wanted to accomplish this year but in a different way!! Yes, this will be a version of a  photo challenge with a Flat Stanley twist!!

I think you will really get a kick out of this...

thank you dearest angel for being the inspiration on this little adventure...

being Brave

it would be so much easier if I were a Scottish Princess named Merida, she said sighing heavily.

I'm trying to be brave, strong, full of laughter and light and not saying how difficult each day is and how much this all sucks more than ever this week; reminding myself that if I can get through this week there is a very good chance that it will get easier and my grief will not overcome or overwhelm me.

another day goes by

still getting through each day but this week it just seems harder, yes, the reason is obvious and it brings the loss of you so much deeper in my heart. I think about what we should be doing, the phone calls, the venting, the messages on facebook, voice mails blowing up my phone. knowing by weeks end you would be just fine and ready for the next chapter...

sorry if this is the theme this week but this is where my grief is leading me...yes I am trying to be who you would want me to be but damn it I miss you...

no walk today

I didn't walk at lunch today, I wasn't feeling very brave. I should be talking to you about your wedding and the end of the school year. I knew if I went walking I'd just be crying. I think I'll play it day by day. Even my plans for Saturday have changed, I think...think I may do something with Mom, like we use to do when my grandma was here. Every other year it was a movie then the next would be a ball game...I think it will be a movie...

Yesterday

I know you were thrilled, I got to see my nieces yesterday!! Ella, the youngest, plays on a traveling soccer team and they played not too far from us in a 2 day tournament. We met the whole gang for breakfast, we even got Grandpa (pops) to go!!

Taylor will be in 10th grade next year!! YIKES!!! and she's got her learners permit!! She has grown into such a beautiful young lady,

Livvi and Ava are still a different as night and day but you can see the twin connection. Such smart, bright girls!!

and of course Ella Bella!! the little goalie with a winning personality and wit!!

One of these days we going to watch Ella play soccer! It just would have been too long a day for Pops and his ankle and Chloe had her legs crossed and needed a walk. But we had a really nice time and Pops got to talk to Carmella and we got to know John a little more. He is such a great guy and I'm so glad he is there to take care of the girls, all 5 of them!

Cinco de May Not!

yes, I knew as I started to shut down my computer that I hadn't written anything here and I'd been thinking all day about what I wanted to write about but once I got to my parents house and finally turned on the laptop something sidetracked me and yes it was you, well a memory on Facebook from you...

I didn't realize you posted the pictures of the goat I sent you on Cinco De Mayo 2015.

I love when you let me know you're watching over me...

May 4th

or as many call it Star Wars Day...

as the days draw closer to the 13th you're in my thoughts and heart even more if that is possible.

I was thinking about you today and the phone conversation we should be having, I'd laugh and tell you to take a deep breath and everything would be just fine...yes Chica I'll try to remember what I should be telling you...eventually everything will be fine just not the way I expected it to be.

minions

I found this page on facebook with all kinds of Minion Memes and of course I thought of you.

this is so you!!

No other words are necessary except thanks for letting me know you're watching over me, you always know when I need a laugh.

Monday, Monday

not a bad day at all, just another day...


Looks like I'm going to see at least one niece this weekend, there's a soccer tournament halfway between St Petersburg and Lakeland and we're set meet Carmella and at least Ella for breakfast!!

I just wanted to hear your voice today...just to see how you were...it was that brief second I forgot, I think it happens at least once a day but I push it quickly aside, then again maybe not!!